Jose Canseco's Pool Party

These girls were at the party, invited personally by Jose when...

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 09:29:38 -0400

These girls were at the party, invited personally by Jose when he saw them going from the Apple Store to Hot Topic at a mall in the Miami-Dade area, b/c he said he “digs those hipster chicks with their keds and bracelets and silly hats and shit.”

Sadly, the party came to a close when the notorious drug-dealing...

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 11:16:42 -0400

Sadly, the party came to a close when the notorious drug-dealing Harlem midget got shot.

If Helena Christensen had been at Jose’s pool party, maybe...

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 14:50:54 -0500

If Helena Christensen had been at Jose’s pool party, maybe things would have gone differently for the Rocket and Jose.

Alas, she was still in mourning over the loss of Michael Hutchence, and declined Jose’s invitation. Leaving us all to wonder, “what if?”

Happy New Year from Jose Canseco’s Pool Party (via bigfun)

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 18:38:02 -0500

Happy New Year from Jose Canseco’s Pool Party (via bigfun)

Jose would not stop talking about his space-saving patio...

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:40:10 -0500

Jose would not stop talking about his space-saving patio furniture.

“It all interlocks and forms this big black tower. I got it from The Sharper Image. It’s so awesome.”

Of course, this led to the inevitable — Glenallen Hill and Dave Stieb tossing the whole set into the pool on multiple occasions throughout the evening.

Despite what urban legend may say about it, we have it on good...

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:36:40 -0500

Despite what urban legend may say about it, we have it on good authority that no scenes from Pootie Tang were filmed at the pool party.

But Mario Joyner may have been in attendance.

When things got out of hand following Sabo starting a sushi...

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:33:38 -0500

When things got out of hand following Sabo starting a sushi fight and the cops had to be called, Jose wasted no time in summoning his lawyer to make sure everything was handled on the up-and-up.

Fortunately for everyone in attendance, Rae Carruth did not...

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:32:02 -0500

Fortunately for everyone in attendance, Rae Carruth did not attend. There were rumors he was sitting in the trunk of a car outside the party, but those were never confirmed.

There was, however, this guy — he showed up a few hours after the party began, wearing a Carruth jersey and ranting about how “this is the Panthers year — Beuerlein is going to get it done.”

Jose told Jessica it was a bad idea for her cousin to get...

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:29:44 -0500

Jose told Jessica it was a bad idea for her cousin to get married at his pool party. But she wouldn’t listen. “What could go wrong?” she asked.

And for once, Jose was right.

The Jenn Sterger Project was conceived at Jose Canseco’s...

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 13:29:51 -0400

The Jenn Sterger Project was conceived at Jose Canseco’s Pool Party, when Jose agreed to put up the cost of the infamous Seminole’s performance-enhancers in exchange for backend participation in the gross.

SportShorts was at the party. And Chris Sabo will never forgive...

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 10:09:40 -0400

SportShorts was at the party. And Chris Sabo will never forgive them for what they subjected him to that day in the pool house.

Ringposts beware...be Coco B. Ware

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 12:45:00 -0400

How this escaped the noble editors of this site until today is a towering testament to the forgetful powers of Knob Creek. That said, we’re tickled fuschia that Jose is lacing ‘em up. He’ll turn the sweet science sour, but that’s fine by me. The question is whether Vai spends more time punching Jose or the ringposts.

War By the Shore? We’re in…ALL IN!

Jose Canseco and former Eagle Vai Sikahema to fight in AC

Jose shares his thoughts on A-Rod and Madonna — who are...

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 10:39:38 -0400

Jose shares his thoughts on A-Rod and Madonna — who are rumored to have met at Jose’s party (via ThreeStrikesandOut)

Due to a time when digital cameras weren’t ubiquitous, there is...

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:11:42 -0400

Due to a time when digital cameras weren’t ubiquitous, there is no evidence of this, but from multiple first-hand accounts we can begin to piece together the reputed his/her t-shirts worn at the pool party by Candy Maldanado and his girlfriend Brittani…

Brittani:

I’m With Big Butt

<======

Candy:

I’m Hitting That

======>

Jose loved this animated gif so much, he put up a Geocities site for the pool party and put this...

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 10:01:31 -0400

Jose loved this animated gif so much, he put up a Geocities site for the pool party and put this on the homepage.

There it stayed for several years, before Jose finally let the Geocities account go in 2003.

Then it was lost to the world, until we excavated it and restored it to all its glory here.

Cheers, Jose.

Jose kept pitching his idea for a sitcom based around swingers...

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 12:00:00 -0400

Jose kept pitching his idea for a sitcom based around swingers in the 1970’s to a TV executive friend-of-a-friend who dropped by the pool party. “It’ll be great,” Jose told him, “there will just be all these hot people doin’ it all the time — but it’ll be authentic and true to the time period, not some cheesy softcore Skinemax job.” Unfortunately, the suit wasn’t having any of it.

But flash forward a decade, and here’s a show that looks eeerily similar to Jose’s finding its way to the very same network that executive now works for.

If Jose had any money for a lawyer, he would SO be hiring one right now.

No one was quite sure what to think when Kelly Gruber showed up...

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 10:42:00 -0400

No one was quite sure what to think when Kelly Gruber showed up six sheets to the wind — dressed in a bomber jacket, Dokken t-shirt and pajama pants — with a bottle of Boysenberry Schnapps in one hand and a SONY Watchman blaring Airwolf in the other.

Fortunately, he came in, said something about “messin’ up his groin for good in that rundown”, devoured an entire platter of shrimp, then passed out in a chaise lounge — all in under 10 minutes.

Some of Jose’s inner circle felt a little bad for what happened...

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 10:33:18 -0400

Some of Jose’s inner circle felt a little bad for what happened to Sid Bream at the party.

But Jose assured them all he had it coming for “what he and Otis Nixon did to him that night at the Gold Club in Hotlanta.”

When Jose told invitees that the party would have girls playing...

Fri, 30 May 2008 19:42:00 -0400

When Jose told invitees that the party would have girls playing Wii Fit, most people responded “Jose, it’s 1998 — what the hell is a Wii Fit?”

Upon arrival, they quickly got acclimated to the new technology that had Canseco buzzing like Omar Vizquel after three Bartles & Jaymes.

By the time 5pm rolled around, Jose was so blasted out of his...

Thu, 22 May 2008 08:49:58 -0400

By the time 5pm rolled around, Jose was so blasted out of his mind that he didn’t even see what was looming in his bathtub when he went to, in his words, ‘drop a deuce’. Sadly, as a result he missed the opportunity of a lifetime for some one-on-one with one of Israel’s finest.