March 2008
66 posts
February 2008
74 posts
Pool House Chronicles...
Rob Ducey (journeyman extraordiaire): (holding up Jose’s Leaf Rookie card by the swing set) Can’t beat a Leaf, eh? Chris Sabo: I’ll take a Donruss anyday! Clemens: (walks by) Fags… And thus began Sabo’s descent into Red Dog hell…
Pool House Chronicles...
Ramon (Jose’s personal assistant cum doorman for pool party): Name? Gregg Jefferies: Gregg Jeffries. Two G’s for a double dose of great. Ramon: Huh? Sorry Gregggggg, but I don’t see your name? Can you wait over on the other side of the rope? Gregg: (pushes his way past): Rated Rookies don’t do lines asshole…at least not that kind of line. And so the pool party officially got started…
WatchDespite being in South Florida, the pool party didn’t have any Finnish techo blaring. But there might have been some Running Man witnessed (looking at you Pete Incaviglia). (via AdGrabber)
Fakeroni
Italian crime syndicate (known to everyone alive as “The Mob”) sees Mrs. Clemens’ fake ta-tas, and raises her a fake Testarossa. Related: Sir Mix-a-Lot came to the pool party in his Testarossa. Gregg Jeffries called shotgun.
WWJCD
Dwight Howard slam dunked his way to fatherhood with a Magic dancer. Pool house conception? Jose probably knows.
WatchYou know at least a couple of the guys were drinkin’ Cold Cock at the pool party.
Tyson-Holyfield III In The Works →
Holyfield, who has been the world heavyweight champion a record four times, said that Tyson had approached him, through an intermediary, to discuss a rematch after their infamous second fight in 1997 ended in disgrace. Tyson, showing unprecedented savagery, bit Holyfield twice and tore off a chunk of his ear - which he then spat to the canvas. There has been some talk between us,” Holyfield...
Party Transcripts, Volume Two
Deb Clemens: Hey Jessica, thanks for having us.
Jess Canseco: Oh, no problem Debbie. Glad you guys could make it.
Deb: Say Jessica, your breasts look fantastic!
Jess: Oh, thanks...Dr. Rosen works wonders. You're not looking too bad yourself.
Deb: You're too sweet.
Jess: No, seriously, you're looking fantastic.
Deb: Well, a little HGH and surgical enhancement goes a long way.
Jess: You want to duck inside, compare our doctor's handiwork?
Deb: Sure. That is in no way trashy or inappropriate. Let's go inside and show each other our big fake boobs.
Jess: Well, what are we waiting for?
WatchWill Ferrell, Bill Walton, a game of H-O-R-S-E, and some unfortunate short shorts (via Awful Announcing)
Party Transcripts, Volume One
T. Fernandez: Yo man, you guys got any verde sauce?
J. Canseco: Oh yeah, I forgot. It's in the refrigerator door.
WatchSnowboarding just got a whole lot gayer (via on 205th)
About the Pool Party
In 1998, Jose Canseco hosted a pool party at his house in Miami, Florida. At this point, a complete roster of party attendees is not known, but is a subject of much conjecture across the media landscape. Former teammates of Jose’s from the Toronto Blue Jays attended, which may or may not include Darrin Fletcher, Carlos Delgado, Ed Sprague, Juan Samuel, Shawn Green, Benito Santiago, Alex...
“Let him go, Sterling. We, the fans, demand the giant testicle dance come Playoff...”
– Marcel Mutoni, on the Sam Cassell situation (via SLAM)
“I’d grown tired of being punished for not being an NFL superstar. Analysts...”
– Sean Salisbury, on Leaving ESPN (via FanHouse)
